Where's da updates?

My computer has died on me so I am doing this so I can hopefully start blogging again.

Is there a feeling more frustrating than the feeling of lack of inspiration? The feeling of fleeting feelings and an inevitable end that may not even be inevitable. I can't help but be overwhelmed with the senstion of being left behind, while everyone has all these amazing talents and goals what do I have? I'm missing the feeling of freshness and excitement, almost like a lonesome, personal rutt of sorts. It's a feeling that will surely pass but I can not stand this stale, gut renching feeling that keeps telling me that there is nothing and no one for me. It keeps telling me that even though there are all these people in my life, I'll always come second to something or someone. This may even sound selfish becuse I can't be the highlight of everyones life, but everyone want's to feel loved unconditionally. It's hard giving away so much love and hardly recieving any back, how can I recycle the love with everyone is putting it in the trash? I feel at odds with my own self and I'm not sure how to find resolve within myself, I need to stop relying on theres to make me happy but that is simply easier said than done.

Just having one of those days where I just through sentence structure and poetically formed words out the window, one of those days where I just need to let it out. It helped, thanks for reading.


Also, a blog doesn't feel complete without a picture but I couldn't find one that fit the mood, so here is a picture of a giraffe. 
-M.

Turning Tables- Adele

This is a very short post, one of my shortest I believe but it was just something I desperately needed to get off my mind. What I got out of this post is that love can be frustrating due to the fact that you are relying on somebody else to hold your emotions and praying to God that they don't change their mind.
-M 


One of the hardest things for a person to hear is when the person you love think's that they don't deserve you. You would think that this would be better than most things they could say, but it isn't. When a person says this you can't help but think of how completely unfair that thought is. When this person gives you the world but yet they think it is not good enough is incredibly heartbreaking, for the to look in your eyes and look as though they are internally struggling with the thought is a hard thing to see. The only thing worse than being told that you are not loved is someone telling you to stop loving.

Jupiter- Katy McAllister

It's unfortunately been a very long time, I had been having trouble finding inspiration but I think I found it. I hope you all enjoy
-M.


I'm in love, young  love, the best kind of love. It's not luv love but actual love love, something I've been waiting for sometime for. It was so unexcepted that I don't think I was prepared for it, I find myself becoming consumed with it; consumed in the best way. It's also not unrequinted, I have his undivided affections which is all I ask for. I know that this is the kind of love I'll remember for the rest of my life because it's gone far past infatuation or lust, it's been a fixation that has lasted for more than 2 years. You don't wait for years for someone who is just a crush, it has to be love. I don't ever want to be without him, he is so important to me and the fact that I'm young does not make it foolish or naive love. It's so real, more real than anything I've ever felt in my entire life. I love his face, his laugh, his over the top personality, how he is only warm towards me, and the way he always feels the need to kiss my hand while he's holding it. I'm so young, I'm aware of this but it just feels like no one else has something like this. It's so real, being able to just lay there and just appreciate the company we provide each other. We both feel the need to be wanted and be a vital part of each others life. Usually a 16 year old would not be so willing to commit at such an age but I've always just wanted to find someone to be a huge part of my life, like another half of me. You might look at this and think that it's just puppy love but It's so much more than that, so much that it's almost impossible for me to articulate my feelings. I do not ever want it to stop, my feelings, his feelings. It is too good to stop, nothing will compare. It's that love I've been waiting for, finally.